


Intervention

by Wiccan507



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Everyone is tired of stiles and derek doing it everywhere, Humor, Intervention, M/M, One-Shot, They're literally doing it everywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 10:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1507007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccan507/pseuds/Wiccan507
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pack is sick of Sterek's sex life invading their every day lives so they stage an intervention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Intervention

The pack had been standing in the front room of the Hale House for 15 minutes. Well they’d been there longer than that but they’d stood when they heard the jeep pulling up outside, of course they hadn’t taken Derek and Stiles making out in to account. Considering why they were stood in the front room however they really should have. The wolves let out a collective sigh of relief when Derek finally realised they were in the house and told Stiles they should go inside and save the hand jobs for later. Oh the irony. The pack stood and waited, knowing that they were straightening their clothes. Stiles and Derek walked into the house as though the pack didn’t know what they were just up to. Stiles’ face was almost comical as he took in the banner above their heads.

“Since when did we have an intervention banner?”

“Since Scott made it.”

“And what is the intervention about.” Stiles looked between each member of the pack and then settled on Scott’s face. “Scott?”

“You two need to sit down.” Derek pulled Stiles down in to the loveseat so that they were still facing the pack.

“Okay so I’ll just start. My letter is kind of like an explanation. Stiles and Derek we love you, we just want to make it clear that we are very happy that you guys are together but we also want to remind you that we are werewolves and we can smell everything. Those of us that are not werewolves, and even some of us who are, do not appreciate seeing you naked. Stiles as your best friend I can honestly say I never needed to see you sucking Derek’s dick…”

“Wait this is because you saw me giving him a blowjob! Dude come on it was one time.”

“Lydia?”

“Stiles when I threw that party last week I was not drunk enough to handle seeing Derek rim you in my pool house. I also wish I could say that was the first time I’d seen him rim you. It was not. It was the 6th.”

“Okay so two times you guys have witnessed something.”

“Actually with mine and Lydia’s together it makes it 7 times.”

“Fine 7 times, what’s the big deal?”

“Erica?”

“As a werewolf I have an enhanced sense of smell. Which means that when I go for a run through the park, a normal run calm down Derek, I can smell your come on tree’s or the swings, like I hope to god you guys never do it during the day and for fuck sake just buy a sex swing. Also Stiles why do you keep doing it against tree’s does the bark not hurt your back?”

“Hey! How do you know it’s not Derek with his back against the tree?”

“Because you couldn’t hold Derek up.”

“Look it doesn’t matter there is no holding up against tree’s, we learnt that the first time, I blow Derek.”

“But then why can I smell mostly you on the tree?”

“Because I jerk off at the same time. Can we please stop now? I am mortified.”

“Nope, my turn.”

“Oh great, fine go ahead Jackson.”

“As I am also a werewolf I can smell you at the mechanics. Like for fuck sake Stilinski buy a new fucking car because every time I’m there all I can smell is you two and it’s disgusting.”

“Actually. If any if you paid attention Derek works there. That is why you can smell him and I go visit him.”

“So Derek’s fucking around on the job, wow you showed me. But seriously I don’t need to get my Porsche fixed and have a side stink of your come.”

“Hey Jackson, maybe the reason you can smell it so much is because the last time your Porsche was in the shop Derek fucked me on it.” Stiles smirked at Jackson as Scott held him back. “That’s right bitch I came all over the front of your car.”

“Stiles if you don’t shut up I will let Jackson go. Jackson ignore him and go cool off outside.” Jackson shrugged Scott’s hands away and huffed before going outside. “Okay Boyd your next.”

“Oh come on! You cannot seriously tell me all of you have seen or smelt us at one point?”

“Yes we have. But this one is directed at Derek. Derek I don’t really care what you and Stiles do but for the love of food please I am begging you stop doing it at the grocery store.”

“It was one time!”

“Stiles with my enhanced sense of smell I know it wasn’t one time and I don’t know how you two are doing it but please just stop because I have smelt it strongly in the cereal aisle, the fridge area and the fruit and veg area. I mean come on man those are out in the open, have you no shame?”

“Wow Boyd I didn’t realise you would be that upset. We’re sorry we won’t do it near open food again.”

“And that leads perfectly to my letter.”

“Wait? What? Allison when have you ever seen us have sex?”

“You’re about to find out. I just wanted to let everyone know that last year when Stiles and Derek were supposed to host thanksgiving…”

“Oh no we don’t need to discuss this event. They get it. Things happened, you were scarred for life let’s not mention it.”

“No we need to mention it. We ended up with pizza because they had sex in the kitchen and Derek came all over the turkey.”

“You came on the turkey! Stiles I picked out that turkey, you said a racoon stole it!”

“Really Scott you still believe that. How could you not hear my heartbeat?”

“I could I thought you just felt really guilty!”

“I did!”

“Yeah but not because a racoon took it because you made Derek come on it. Oh god the poor turkey.”

“It’s not like it was alive.”

“Funny you should say that.”

“Oh god Ethan whatever it is please just don’t continue.”

“On our last full moon run I came across a small woodland creature and you know what it had on him…”

“Don’t say it.”

“Your come was in his tail Stiles. That little creature was scarred for life, probably witnessed you two having crazy animal sex.”

“I’m sure it was fine. And you’ve done it in the woods before I know you have!”

“I made sure there were no woodland creatures around!”

“Okay! Fine. Fine! Can we please stop? Me and Derek have learnt our lesson. Look you’ve broken him, see how red his face is he’s emb…wait that’s not your embarrassment face. Oh my god are you serious Derek! They are literally having an intervention about our sex life and you’re getting horny.”

“I’m sorry! It’s just remembering everywhere we’ve done it and knowing that everyone knows you belong to me makes my wolf happy.”

“Oh really? You know I don’t think we’ve ever done it on this loves…”

“Are you fucking kidding?”

“What?”

“We are literally here about you guys doing it everywhere and you want to fuck on the loveseat!”

“Isaac calm down man. Jeez whatever you saw can’t have been that scarring.”

“Scarring! Scarring! You wanna know what’s scarring Stiles! Putting on one of my scarves and not realising how much it smells like you two till its round my neck! You used my scarves for sex!”

“Those were yours?”

“Oh my god! Of course they were mine, who else would they belong to! That’s my thing in this pack! I wear scarves.”

“Okay we’ll buy you a new one.”

“How about you just don’t use my scarves for whatever it was again!!”

“Oh no worries it wasn’t anything weird Derek just needed something to tie me down with.”

“What…”

“Isaac you okay? Your eyes twitching.”

“I’m gonna go join Jackson outside.”

“Okaaaay, well is that everyone?”

“Actually me and Danny have a joint one.”

“Okay. Kira and Danny the floor is yours.”

“Stiles Danny and I saw you guys having sex in the locker room. I saw yours and Derek’s dicks before I saw Scott’s so thanks for that. Danny?”

“Honestly I have also had sex in the locker room so I can’t criticise you and your both pretty hot to watch, but in the spirit of pack you guys need to like do it in a bedroom and stuff.”

“Kira I am so sorry that you saw us before Scott. I understand, once you’ve seen Derek Scott is so tiny in comparison.”

“Dude!”

“Scott shut up. I’m trying to apologise here. Derek and I are going to take your advice and go find a bedroom right now actually. We will try and stop doing it in public and we’ll make sure to save the woodland creatures Ethan. We shall be good from now on.” Stiles was pulling Derek towards the door during his speech and smiled at everyone. “Well see you later.” They were out the door before anyone could say anything.

“There not gonna listen to us are they?” Scott turned to Lydia and gave her a bright smile as he answered her.

“Well what’s the saying, ‘If you can’t beat them, get even’?”

“You know I think it is exactly that.” The pack exchanged evil looks as the plans started forming in their minds. Apparently Jackson had been a couple steps ahead of them because Stiles horrified screams sounded throughout the house and then “That better not be come on my fucking Jeep Jackson!” They ran out on to the porch to see Derek holding Stiles back and Jackson cackling away.

Getting even was gonna be so much fun.


End file.
